Why do we never show what we feel? The difference between opinions and feelings.

I have made it obvious in posts past that I don’t shrink away from giving my opinion. If those heels really don’t work for you, I will tell you. If you’re political or religious views are close-minded, biased or overbearing I will most likely say so. If you remind me of that evil doll from the Chucky movies, well, I’d probably say something about that too (albeit in the nicest possible way!)

I pride myself on being open and truthful (Ah, pride, yet another topic which needs to be closer investigated to fully understand this one I believe…) yet, generally in spoken conversation I will not share my feelings. Unless my fingers are curled around the shaft of a pen, or tapping away at a keyboard people rarely get to know what I my emotional state. I suppose, whilst some people have their feelings written all over them, I merely write mine down.

I think I am getting better at it, in fact part of my open and honest attitude was perhaps brought about by the realisation that no body truly knew how I felt about anything. I am now able to give my opinion freely and without care of the judgement of others, yet I still rarely show my real emotions, I still have not told my parents that I love them, I still have not told me sister that I wish she would visit me more often because I miss her when she doesn’t, and I still have never told my best friend from highschool that he was more of a brother to me than my own brother ever cared to be, and, as a result I loved him so madly that I couldn’t see straight. I could not see that he was not my brother, that the bond that ties siblings together eternally was not there, it was all imagined, as I was soon to discover, for what kind of friend would put up with being treated like a sibling? (And therein lies the lesson for me, a world of heartbreak could have perhaps been prevented had these feelings been brought into the light at any stage!)

So how can one be honest and open in one sense, yet secretive in another?? 

In answer to that, I do believe I (and perhaps I am not alone in this) tend to get ‘what I think’ tangled up somehow with ‘what I feel’, and this I suppose could be dangerous, for they are two very different elements, and on this I have been forced to do some thinking.

My opinion is this (of course it’s my opinion!!!) – in sharing your thoughts you do not commit yourself to anything, some quick thinking and some well placed words can quickly have a shared thought be forgotten. Opinions can be changed, once a new opinion is formed, there is no reason to even recall the first, the second rarely has any connection with the first and is not influenced by it in any way.

Feelings however, rarely change, and if they do, they will still be there, somewhere inside of you. If you love someone once, even if you grow apart, stop loving them, or lose them, you will always remember that you loved them, and that will colour your view on everything that person does, or everything you remember about them for ever more.

 Thoughts and feelings are two very different things, the former being abrupt and momentary in essence, the latter being enduring and prevailing, and perhaps it is that knowledge that allows me to share my candid opinions so freely yet has me guarding my emotions so zealously, veiling them behind jokes and buffoonery. Perhaps I am still eighteen in a sense. Perhaps I do seek the approval of my peers, and am careful of what I reveal of my inner self for fear of their judgement. But if that were the case then there is no accounting for why I allow so much of myself to be shared publicly on a blog where even strangers can read, and judge, and make opinions of me based on what I feel.

Perhaps the answer here is that as a writer my computer or my pen feel so much more comfortable that my mouth as a vessel for sharing….or perhaps I have merely taken on writing as a hobby for the fact that it allows me to share….. (let’s rehash that old adage…. the chicken or the egg???) But which ever came first I know this much, I do not speak as I write. I am not articulate in any sense when it comes to spoken conversation and I stumble in my mind looking for the most appropriate word. I am ‘foot in mouth’ at best of times, an I suppose that such affliction does not lend itself to meaningful, emotion driven conversation.

It has only been a recent speculation, the pondering of whether I write because it is the only way for me to share my feelings, or whether the art of writing has inhibited my ability to converse at a higher level than I do, but I do wonder if I will ever find out – and if I do, and if it comes to be that I only write because I am not canny enought to share on any other level, I wonder if I would be happy with that.

Would you be?



~ by Alissa Anderton on November 10, 2009.

2 Responses to “Why do we never show what we feel? The difference between opinions and feelings.”

  1. a comment.
    i will explain later

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