Advice is what you ask for when you know the answer, but wish you didn’t.

Advice is what you ask for when you know the answer, but wish you didn’t.

It is that simple.

And here is today’s dilemma – if something happened years ago, and there is every possibility that it has no impact on today except for the fact that it occasionally turns up in your dreams, does it matter? Is it worth talking about? Or is it better left than said?

Now, I know the answer to this one, the answer is in the title of this post, but it doesn’t stop me wondering anyway.

I suppose it comes down to that old concept of closure, something I have mostly believed is a fictitious state invented by psychiatrists to give some purpose to their work.

*snooty voice* “My purpose here today is to assist in bringing you to your goal of closure”. Hmm, I would suggest that what they really need to say is “Go ahead, talk. I’ll listen, because there is no one else out there who will.”

But now I wonder, if it is “closure” that one would be seeking should they feel the need to dredge up past issues and bring them back into the light; to rehash things that were said, say things that should have been said, and possibly talk about things that should not be talked about, for surely if you are thinking about these things ten years down the track it must be a door that is still open in your mind, something which does still affect you day-to-day, even though it happened so long ago.  Or is it something else entirely.

By opening up old issues are you searching for validation of your own hurt, do you want the other party to come out and say “I felt like that too, and it’s alright, I understand?” And if that is the case can the friendship be sustained if validation does not come.

Forgive and forget?

Forget? I do not know if it is possible, can you really forget something that has shaped your dreams for so many years. Can you banish it to the dark recesses of your mind with all those teenage “how embarrassment” stories or will it creep up unavoidably in conversation some time in the future, at the most inopportune time.

I know I am in the habit of telling it like it is, but I do draw the line at hurting people unnecessarily, and by bringing to light problems that were existant ten years ago quite possibly could have only that effect.

The truth of the matter is that it perhaps doesn’t matter now, but how do you move past that obstacle, when it will always be there, somewhere in the background, just waiting to surface again.

I suppose I will just have to pitch it to my characters and see what they can get out of it for me!

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~ by Alissa Anderton on November 17, 2009.

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