Willpower is quite a bit harder to draw from than one might imagine.

Willpower. I have always thought of myself as strong, full of willpower and able to do most anything I set my mind to. I used to watch Survivor, and think, “ah just eat the stupid slug guts, it’s not that hard” – or listen to the Amazing Race, whilst shaking my head in disdain at the little blonde girl’s cries of, “I can’t do it, I just can’t do it!”

And all the while, as these reality TV show people binge on chocolate whilst trying to lose weight, chicken out from plunging down the possibly deadly water slide into a pool of sharks and deliberate over whether or not to kill the pretty little chicken that someone at some stage of the game had become attached to, I would think to myself, “My God, they should just stop complaining and do what they have to do!” Yet, my willpower, my ability to just ‘do what I have said I will do’ may very well be destroyed by a single jar of lollies.

Now I know my struggles pale in comparison with that of the reality TV contestants. I realise that my choices to not eat are my own, that I am not wagering a million dollars, or my life, on my chances of success, but what I am wagering is my right to yell at the TV screen, and curse those who do not participate as I see fit… and this is very important to me.

No lollies, no chocolate, no caffeinated coffee, no pizza, no cake… that is what I have promised myself for the month of February, and so far I am on track. But last night, I made the lolly bags for my daughters 5th birthday party and there were lollies left over. LOLLIES LEFT OVER!!! Under usual circumstances I would be overjoyed… yay, a snack for me! but today, I am not impressed, for every time I open that pantry and stare up the at the rather uninteresting decaf coffee that I have resigned myself to, there sits the jar of lollies – at the back of the pantry, yes, behind all the other jars, yes, out of view, most definitely. But it sits there, and I know it’s there, and it calls to me… A jellybaby would go so well with your coffee, don’t you think so Alissa?  YES! Yes, I do think so, but I will not indulge… I will not…

So, although it is only 3 days in, although I have not yet ruined my resolve, I do tend to wonder if keeping this up for an entire month is going to work…

And when it’s all done and dusted, and I don’t cheat at all, maybe then I will have earned the right to yell at the Biggest Losers on the screen, “Don’t eat that chocolate! Be strong!”

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~ by Alissa Anderton on February 3, 2010.

2 Responses to “Willpower is quite a bit harder to draw from than one might imagine.”

  1. First 3 days are the hardest!

  2. You are doing great Lis!!! Don’t give in 🙂

    I always find the first week the hardest whenever I am trying to give up something!!

    Oh and how dare those lollies talk to you!! LOL

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